A little boy made my day today. I was walking out to the mrt and the pre-schoolers were having some activity at the sepak takraw court. Then as I glanced at them, this little boy waved at me and smiled the sweetest smile you can ever imagine. Of course, I waved back and flashed him a big grin. And he gave me an even bigger smile. I pray that when I have a child, he'll be as pleasant and friendly as the one I met today.
Woke up and spent quite a while reading 'The Body Thief' by Anne Rice... Almost can't put it down since I started reading it a few days ago. Interesting to read about how many theories about God she can come up with. All of them are not true though. Romanticising evil...
Went down to town to meet up with Fad to get my bible back... Or should I say to finally get my bible back. I really don't know whats up with Nurul. I've been asking for it for several months already. Anyway, enough of half-baked excuses... I'm glad I got my New King James back. Had to hang around town for a couple of hours though cos Fad had gone to watch a movie. So I got off at Plaza Singapura and had a late lunch at burger king. Then looked around in trumpet praise. Its almost a custom to go there whenever I head to plaza singapura...
Started walking to cineleisure in somerset but when I got there, Fad hadn't called so I stumbled into Heeren to take a look at CDs. But not before I had made a pitstop at the restroom. (Really needed it!) Looked around HMV for quite a while but I couldn't find anything nice except Funeral For A Friend... Decided to get it because all the new CDs aren't out in Singapore yet. I'm asking Keith to get 3 new albums for me from US before he comes back... Hopefully he'll be able to find those albums.
Kinda packed day tomorrow. Portugal vs Holland at 2:45am. Family coming back at around 4:15 in the afternoon.. Dance Practice at 6:30... Oh yah! Need to call michelle about the costume...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
The glitter in these words.
They remind me.
The guilty tendencies.
They chide me.
These fragile words
They mean nothing, nothing
The moon smiles.
And I bask in her beauty.
Dressed in purple and white
While a radiance hugs your skin
And because of the tune you're singing.
Its leaves my ears ringing.
And your intentions are like glass.
Won't you break them for me?
Won't you just break me?
And i try to let these thoughts slide from you,
but you just won't let me,
so i made this journey away from the years I' ve wasted.
I shouldn't have waited for you.
I can still feel the breeze
from the way you walked passed me.
And your trail leaves a fire that burns through my soul.
Like a hole
Where hurts fall.
You don't know
if we might have made it at all.
Take the wheel. (No condemnation.)
Run me over. (No more patience)
How i'm feeling. (Take me over)
Doesn't matter. (Doesn't matter)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Been staying up till 5 or 6 in the morning the past few days to watch Euro 2004 matches. Leaves me waking up at around 12 noon with a buzzing in my head... Felt good to go back to worship in Charis this morning. I missed the family bonding in our congregation. Although worship was a little bit distracting, I enjoyed the service. Pastor Louis spoke today and from his past few sermons, I find that he is very focused on current issues and isn't afraid to speak out. But his sermons isn't much like a teaching but rather like a father disciplining a child. It isn't wrong but I feel it has to go hand in hand with good teaching on the bible.
Scribbled a few thoughts on love nearing the end of the sermon.
First love? Romance? These are all well & good. But its not what makes a relationship tick. its the same with BGRs, marriages and our relationship with God. When the honeymoon period ends, it means something!! It means we have to grow up & move on to the next step of the relationship. Into one thats not dependent on the way you feel. One that doesn't depend on the feeling of romance. Love is so much more than a feeling. Its a commitment, a dedication of your life involving perseverance & sacrifice.
But what some people think about love appalls me. Love ceases when the feeling ceases. It means they no longer love their partner. It means its time to move on to find another partner who can give them that flighty 'butterflies-in-the-stomach' feeling. Cos if they decide to stay with their present partner, its denying and lying to themselves...
The Good thing about God is that He's the perfect partner. The relationship is only dependent on us. Because He understands us, loves us and cares of us more than we could for ourselves. However in a life partner, more of than than not, both parties have selfish thinking. When I say selfish, I don't mean its a conscious intention to be selfish. We do many things that we don't realise. Anyway, thats why the best thing to do is to focus on our relationship with God. Because He's so perfect. We can focus on developing ourselves. I don't know if it would work for sure in a real-life scenario, but I believe it might...
Thats where I got to when the sermon ended... Blabber blabber. It might be the lack of sleep.
We (Xiong, Joe, Vincent, Gerald and myself) went to visit Thomson at Singapore General Hospital. Spent quite a while there talking and encouraging him. Well they did, I was too tired to do or say anything. Watched him go through 3 packs of platelets. Prayed for him after that. There was this old man who was in the next bed who went 'Amen' when we finished praying. Starting talking to him and prayed for him as well. My gosh, his faith was amazing. Dear Lord, you and your word says that its by our faith. And Lord by that man's faith he should be healed... No exceptions right?
Dale's back home... Not so lonely at home now.
Restraint...
So that by the time I do get there, it might be the right time.
Or I might not dig her anymore.
Or she might not dig me anymore.
Come to think of it. Have I ever restrained myself?
I'm home alone... Such a big house to myself. Not that I even move out of the living room though. Went out with the band and Pam to have Katong Laksa just now. Its good to see them again. Missed the nonsense!!! :D Went to parkway after that and when they left, I went shopping by myself. Bought a pair of earphones and some cologne. What?!? Can't guys splurge on themselves?
Missed being alone. Got to face my thoughts and think about things. Began to think about what I was doing with my life. Felt quite proud to be all alone in Singapore taking care of myself. But then it dawned on me that I'm still relying on pocket money from my parents. I'm 21 years old and I'm still relying on pocket money.
It would be about 6 years before I finish my equipping time. 6 years before I can even think about having a stable income. Thats assuming that I'll be working in a stable job. Of course there'll be army allowance and part time jobs here and there. But would it be enough? Will I ever have enough to get through daily expenses like food and transport. The tuition fees for Rhema Bible Training Center. I thank God that I have a roof over my head and a good family. But sooner or later there'll be a crunch time. Dear God, will I dare rely on you then? Or will I be struggling to make ends meet?
Things go to hell when I try to pick up the pieces. Why do I keep insisting on my own way? As if I could do better than You. I'm trying to be an obedient jigsaw puzzle.
Bathed Spunky just now. He's been wiping himself on the foot mat for the past 15 minutes... How cute! Cleaned his toilet area too... There's a lesson be learnt somewhere here. Hahaha!
Was checking my school email account... Stumbled across my values reflection that I had to submit for some subject (APEL). Just thought I'd post it for memories sake...
Throughout my twenty one years of my life, I have experienced many things and met many types of people. While participating in all these activities, be it in school or organized by my church, I have found out that there are many different types of people with many different types of characters. In addition to this, I have also gained much experience in working with these people. Through these activities, I have also learnt more about myself and the things I am good at. For example, I now understand that in doing projects, I am apprehensive of trying things that are new. But at the same time, once I have had experience in doing these things, I become more confident and I am able to experiment new and better methods of doing them.
I believe that my journey in Temasek Polytechnic has been one that has changed my way of thinking as well as the way I view the world. When I first came to Temasek Polytechnic in the year 2000, I was still immature in my thinking, naïve in my thoughts and confused about my purpose in life. Being the way I was, I found it difficult to study and do my work without the constant 'hounding' that I would usually get in secondary school. This was due to the new found 'freedom' I had in polytechnic. Whether I wanted to learn depended entirely on myself.
Unfortunately, I did not realize this quick enough. I failed my first year miserably because of my lack of motivation and discipline. I almost could not even repeat the year because of how badly I did in the exams. But after sending in a letter of appeal, I got my second chance. Through this experience, I feel that I have not put that chance to waste. I started to work hard and tried my best in everything I had to do.
Through serving in my church, I have realised that I don't get same satisfaction of giving through any other means. Whether it be organizing events for the youth or serving in the music ministry, I know that people can only be truly happy if they are giving. A clear example was when I was in the organising committee for a youth camp. Working under a deadline and tight budget required us to be innovative and imaginative in coming up with an attractive camp programme. It also required all of us to exercise patience with one another. We also had to chip in to help one another in areas that were not under our list of responsibilities. But because of the willingness to help each other, the camp was a success.
I find the following verses from the bible really meaningful. It speaks of seeking for wisdom and what it can do for you. I feel that in everything that I've done, whether for my studies, for my church, for enjoyment or just for fun, that deciding to do the right thing is the most important. And that it will be the single most important factor in the decisions of my life.
If you turn your ear to wisdom... ...Then you will understand what is right and just and fair as well as every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. [Book of Proverbs Chapter 2 verse 9-11]
I think that I will continue to learn much more after I graduate from Temasek Polytechnic. I look forward to more experiences like the ones I have gone through. Even the ones that were not so pleasant because its true when they say, 'What does not kill you will only make you stronger.
You know you're screwed when you feel bad for being yourself.
You know there's no future if you can't accept something that isn't wrong.
And you know that if you can't accept it, then this is the right way to go.
But you know it doesn't have to be like that.
Going to fetch my parents from the airport. I hope the house is in an acceptable condition.
The Mental Torment
I couldn't sleep... because I think I have found her. I have to put her away now because as with all missions, it ain't over till you've completed all of it. This last part is the most crucial. Because my whole life will depend on it.
Do not make a move, do not raise your voices, do not say a word.
Until the day I tell you to.
Then do it!
I don't want to come back here, to this place.
It's a cold that only comes from blaming yourself for two decades wasted.
And I don't want to come back here, to this place.
When it all just repeats in my head again, and I cannot stop it.
And the pavement is still warm from the tires.
I can still feel the fright that the night brings.
Every song that you'd sing.
And I won't ever come back here to this place.
All I ever do is picture you smiling, and then picture you leaving.
And the glass in the trees, and all you left here,
Reflects everything that I missed.
Slow down.
I'll try and make it up to you.
They've cut down the trees to try to forget you.
But I took a vow to never forget you.
If you're still here, then we're waiting.
We'll wait for you to come back home to the broken little foes.
Until the guilt grows and grows.
When the time that's wasted comes back to haunt me.
And I'll deserve every bit. because I'm not spiritual yet.
I'm just reading the lines they gave me from the pulpit.
And it's not fading off, we remember the years.
As we sift through the laughter to find all the tears.
And I'm not worthy of grievance, I did nothing to prevent this.
And standing at your grave, I could have caused this.
| Dead Poetic - Glass in the Trees |
Been thinking back over the past week. Over what I've experienced over with the paya lebar methodist people... Interesting to note that the way things are done are different from the way we do things. Most of their methods and procedures are alot better than ours. But I still believe that Charis is where I'll stay. One outstanding thing I'd like to note is our worship ministry. I believe that we've come further in that aspect than most other churches. Most improved worship award? Haha...
I'm not trying to compare to say which church is better but I just think that there are things which we can learn. Especially in terms of encouragement and edification. Over there, they are not afraid to give an encouraging word. I'm not saying that they kiss one another's asses. (They do tell you if you suck!) But they do it in a loving way.
The Christian walk is a tough one. And one of the responsibilities of the church is to spur one another on. Why is it we've started thinking that by encouraging a brother or sister in Christ, we are inflating their ego? Why have we perverted what the Word of God says? I've lost count the number of times the word 'encourage' has appeared in the bible. (A search on bible gateway shows 59 results)
Been distracted lately by certain circumstances. Even though I know that things are unlikely to turn out right. And I have this feeling in my spirit that I'll get my heart torn again if I let myself fall in. But then again, its always easier said than done.
And again I look at the surface. And I remember what happened the last time. I'm behaving like I was never beaten down. Walking back into the lion's den like a foolish man.
She doesn't love my God as much as I do. She doesn't honor him like I do. She doesn't believe in Him like I do. She doesn't care about God like I do. And yet again, I'm walking this path without any earthly partner by my side. And I know its not the time now. Just because there isn't anyone as crazy about God as I am. And God... I'm laying down this desire. You know its for you. You know its difficult. You know the dreams that I've crucified. But I dare not claim that its a big deal. Nothing can compare to your Sacrifice. But remember me Lord. Remember me as I crucify the desires of my flesh.
3 weeks of being away from home... Its tiring but undeniably rewarding. I've learnt so much during this time. Things that I'm capable of, things I can improve and things that I just have to rely on God for.
No time to update... Bleah
::: Lyric of the Day :::
can't decide, then look at the faces
candlelight
we're burning the pages
but ask us why
and hurting ourselves with this false start
resign yourself
and always be (and we pretend)
without the one (it simply gets easier)
thing you need (but it doesn't get easier)
reading words with no replies
i wanted to mean everything to you
but this isn't right
you keep coming back disassembled and i
keep losing this fight
| emery - fractions |
MONDAY IN CHIANGMAI/BANGKOK
We had a time of encouragement before we flew back to Singapore. I was slightly disappointed at the things they said about me. Things like I was a good dancer, cool, willing to teach dance moves, etc... Very much things on the surface. Is that how I come across? Is that all people see me as?
Before that, Commandant Joseph knelt beside me after worship and prayed for me. This is a rough recollection of what he said.
A storm. You are about to walk into a storm. A storm which will challenge the way you think, the way you speak and the way you behave. You will be challenged spiritually, mentally, morally & physically. You have to ground yourself in the word. Let God drop an anchor in the bedrock of your heart. So you will not waver. You need to prepare yourself so that you become consistent.
There will be times when you are down and you will hear God speaking to you and comforting you. But there will be times when you won't hear anything. It doesn't mean He's not there. This is when you just have to cling to Him. this storm, this fire is a purifying process so that when you get out of it, He will be able to use you.
There is a group of people God wants you to reach. People who are not in the mainstream. People like yourself and if you're not ready, they will tear you apart.
Strong words. He was referring to army. But if my God is for me, who can be against me?
::: Verse of the Day :::
I, the LORD , have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.
| Isaiah 42:6-7 |
SUNDAY IN CHIANGMAI
Am I hearing him right? He asked me to pray. Just pray...
This is what God said to me when Commandant Joseph asked us to ask God to give us our 'report card'
As always... My love for you never changes. I have shown you many things and you know what is needed. Be parallel with me. In line... You have been obedient and I am pleased. But you know there are things you have to work on. Old habits, runaway thoughts and emotions.
I've never been more glad thanduring the times you spend with me. Times like these. But I need you to do it more! There are things I can only tell you if you linger in me.
I love your dancing, your singing, your drumming. Your worship pleases me. But what pleases me most? Your desire to see people worship me in Spirit & in truth. Yes it does frustrate you. I can see. But remember I give the growth, I give the increase. You pray... Just pray for people to be stirred up. For people to be obedient to my calling. Your time is not here yet.
Here I am again, watching things happen... I want to play a part in it God. I don't want to be a bystander! Let me do your dirty work. But God says my work is prayer. There's something about prayer. You can't see the process. Maybe I have to put down this desire to have people recognising that I'm doing great works for Him.
As long as you think that prayer is a less important job, it'll remain that way.
My roomie Uncle Allan just encouraged me before he fell asleep. "Not many boys your age are so willing/ready to serve God. Most would be dreaming about making their first million."
I guess I'm different that way. I guess I see no point in working for things that are fruitless. Commandant Josepth was sharing with us that there are 3 things that have eternal value.
1) The word of God.
2) Our relationship with God
3) Our relationship with people
Forgive me if I don't view the world the way others do.
SATURDAY IN CHIANGMAI
God has shown me another aspect of Chiang Mai. We visited a home for young tribal girls, namely the Lahu. Their ages range from 3 - 15, I think. These girls are 'rescued' from their home villages before they can be sold into prostitution by their parents. So they receive food, lodging and an education.
We were meant to go there to minister to the children but I felt that through their dances & singing of the the girls that they ministered more to me. I was in tears when they were singing worship songs and doing the actions. First in Thai and then in English. It was really touching when you consider why they did it and the amount of practice they put into it. All for the glory of the same God we serve.
After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands.
And they cried out in a loud voice:
"Salvation belongs to our God,
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb."
| Revelation 7:9-10 |
I long to be a worshipper along with people from all over the world. As I've mentioned before. Worship is our ultimate purpose. Missions are carried out to make sure God gets the utmost glory as mentioned in Revelations 7.
There is something I read in the bible which caught my attention. Isaiah 58:11 talks about being in a sun scorched land & having a thirst which the Lord would quench. Whereas in Revelation 7:16 it says that in that time we will never again thirst or hunger or feel the scorching heat from the sun. Thats what we're working towards, but for now we rely on Him.
::: Quote of the Day :::
Passion is the fuel
Calling the destination
The Holy Spirit is a guide
Equipping the vehicle
THURSDAY IN CHIANGMAI
I never want to grow tired of learning. (By tired, I mean sick of it) Its such a blessing to gain more knowledge and skills to help others. And its a greater blessing when God gives you a glimpse of what He wants to do with your life.
To date, I know that I have a passion for worship/music, a desire to be used by God (a dangerous man for Him), I've been called special in God's eyes (everyone is!), been envisioned with wings (to protect others) and been described as having a heart like David. I also see myself giving God glory on a stage. These are like many sides of a shape that God has planned for me to be. I've also found a burden in the form of the youth in Sanphranet Church. When Gloria & I met up with Henry's wife, Tuk, She was explaining how mentally and physically tired she was. She didn't have much help running the kindergarten. Then she told us about the youth who have stopped coming to church. It made me so sad, I felt tears well up in my eyes. I hope they didn't see me crying as I opened the church gate for them to drive out.
I see a need so clearly! But what can I do? How can I help in this area, Lord? What can I provide besides willingness? I DON'T WANT TO OFFER HELP & END UP BEING A LIABILITY... What about the equipping after my NS? Will it be too late then? These people need to know You more deeply! They need to know you better & more personally! The blessings, authority and the victory we have! They need to know that there's more to Christianity than sunday services and programs.
Dear Father, if this is your calling... If you placed this burden in my heart, You carry through and show me what I have to do for you. I know you won't let me wander aimlessly. You lead me on the path you've set out for me. Amen!
::: Quote of the Day :::
If God calls you to do something,
He will give you the necessary qualifications.
| Kenneth E. Hagin |
Bon Voyage
In a few hours I'll be off to the airport. Gonna meet some of the cell to stay overnight at the airport. Cos I have to be there at 6am tomorrow... Hopefully I'll be able to get enough rest tonight. Will continue to journal there as much as possible and upload it here when I get back. I don't know what to expect but I know it'll be more than I can imagine.
Dear God... There's something I should learn at this trip. I don't want to miss it. I want to put away all distractions for you. I want to put away all pride for you. My best for you, God... Cos you did the same for me. Amen.
Boot Camp Day 3
Sani prayed for me just now...
Joseph was asking those who might have a calling into full time ministry to come forward to be prayed for. Sani said he saw that I had a heart like David. I was stunned when I heard that cos David was the only man in the bible to be called a man after God's heart. Sani also encouraged me saying that God is not concerned about my ability but more on my availability. God would provide all I needed so I needn't worry. He spoke with a lot of compassion.
We went to Paya Lebar Methodist Church after lunch. Was quite tired and my body was aching because of the hard floor without a good sleeping bag. Had 3 runthroughs of the dedication service performance which included costume changes. Got a taste of what backstage would be like in Chiang Mai. Felt slightly apprehensive about what I was doing, the dances and all. Felt a little foolish cos I felt too old for this. But I will serve God the best I can. The performance went off quite smoothly. But i think the girls dances need more work. Its difficult cos of the technical movements but I'm sure it'll be a lot more beautiful if they pull it off...
Boot Camp Day 2
Its dinner time and I'm fasting and letting God speak to me. Was supposed to fast for lunch but I forgot about it because we were doing extra practice. Felt quite bad but the guys assured me it was fine if I changed it to dinner. Worship this morning was better. Commandant Joseph was leading and it was quite good.
I was really ministered to at the message and also at the ministry time afterwards. Sani (a full time missionary who doesn't have any income at all, doesn't beg or even ask for money.) spoke on God's compassion and testified what he had to go through at some mission trips. There was this trip where he went to this house which was sort of like a community centre. And he was describing to us how much the place stank. The stench was so great he had to sneak breaths outside the window. And so he was complaining to God how horrible it was and asking God why he was there when God spoke to him, 'Your sin smells worse'.
I think the whole room was hit hard by that line when we realised the totality of what it meant. The stench of sin was so unbearable to God, yet He came down as a man to save us. He laid down His right as God of the universe and became a mere man. What love is greater? Where can you find more compassion? I went up during ministry time and cried out to God. I was confessing to Him. I thought I had given a lot of myself already! But its so small compared to what God did for me. Of course nothing is too small to give. But its wrong when you think that you're good enough and you have the ability to give more yet you're not. And I wept so much when I realised how foolish I'd been. Here I am asking for more and yet I'm still holding back so much from Him. Decided to release my rights to Him as well...
I have found my weak point. My kryptonite, so to speak. Moonfaced girls. There's one here who's cute to the max. But my focus.... is on God. Not in unbelievably sweet looking, cheery, friendly girls! Did I mention she was cute and she looks good in a cheongsam? :p The dances are quite fun now. I've learnt a total of 3 items. I've nailed the sunday school rock item. The other two are quite easy. What I'm worried about is the line dancing item. Have trouble with that. But we'll be working on it tonight. Meaning we'll be sleeping much later.
Its now 1:10 in the morning. Just finished showering after extra dance practice. The line dance really has a lot of steps to remember. The positive comments and encouragements I got from people have been good. I think I 've found a hidden talent in dancing... :)
The Discipleship Training School (DTS) studentsare an inspiration as well as a testimony to God's goodness... I think I might like to join them after Rhema. Thats up to God though. Gotta sleep now. Hafta wake up by 8 am.
::: Word of the Day :::
focus
Boot Camp Day 1
This first day has been fun! Got to meet a lot of new people. It wasn't as tough as I had expected at first... But as tiredness sets in, I foresee certain problems over the next few days. But I thank God that in Psalms 29:11 it says, 'The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace. This is the same powerful God which the first part of the Psalm describes about clearly. Praise Him!
I got chosen to be front man for 'Sunday School Rock'. Its this rock and roll item and I'm supposed to be the 'teacher'. Have a few more things to remember than the others and I've got problems with the sequence but I'm sure, with practice, I'll be fine. Whistle just blew for dinner. Will be back to write more about where I'm sleeping and some of the people around.
Ok... Back for the night. Its quite a day for me. My least favourite time was the team session (a.k.a family sessions). Being team leader of a group of more experienced mission trippers isn't the easiest thing in the world. Especially since asking them to share about what they've learnt seems burdensome to them. Probably because they've learnt these things before. Or maybe because they were just tired. But other than that, people have been nice. Here they make it a point to encourage one another. One of the activities involves getting a piece of paper & asking people to write your positive characteristics. Some of the things people said about me was, 'A very easy person to talk to.', 'easy-going & friendly', 'eager to please God'.
Several people also said I'm cool. But I don't feel that cool is a characteristic. Why do I exude that? Is it really a quality?
One of the key rules of this camp is no Boy-Girl Relationships. Commandant Joseph said, 'this is not the place to find your life partner!'
Hahaha! I'm so sure I saw her here... :)
Its 11pm and the lights are out already... Writing this under torchlight. Its been a good day. Worship was especially meaningful although we took quite a while to get there.
Problem? Out of tune guitar & unconfident, monotonous drumming. Keyboards were a little sparse also. But we did get there. Was on my knees. God told me, "I'll be your light and lamp only if you let me"
I want to. I'm learning to. Just that I feel that whenever I fail, I have to start back at zero. When actually, the truth is I can get right back to beside Him on His throne. Hallelujah!
Its time to get some shuteye. Waking up at 7am tomorrow and this floor isn't making it any easier to sleep.
I'm off for the boot camp... Will be back on sunday evening. I'll miss Festival of Praise on Saturday. Unless by some divine intervention, we are allowed to go.
When the situation brings you to tears and you don't know why, you know you've got to leave it to God. Its at times like this that I really miss being with God, spending time with Him and just simply talking to Him. But its like I've put a massive barrier between us. Just my spoilt little self grabbing the steering wheel of the car again. Just my worldly self wanting to take control again. Thank you God for the awareness that I need you. Thank you that you've gotten every escape route covered. Thank you that, like Jonah, you'll never let me run far enough. I've got a feeling that these few days will be one heck of a learning experience. Whether its working with people or with myself, I want to do it right.
I miss you, Jesus...
I don't like the idea of running back to You ONLY when I have to face uncharted territory. Its not right. And yet, I know that its better to run back to you at these times rather than not at all. Help me stick with You. Cos I know thats what really will make things tick.
::: Verse of the Day :::
You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.
Trust in the LORD forever, for in Yah, the LORD, is everlasting strength.
|Isaiah 26:3-4 (NKJV)|
Too many mind...
I woke up this afternoon with a decision to snap out of this 'mode'. I haven't been in the right frame of mind for about a week already. Too many distractions. Focused on the wrong things and made the wrong decisions. There's something about knowing its wrong... and still choosing to do it. You start to feel sick, stupid and idiotic.
Why God bothers to forgive us time and again is beyond me. But I'm glad He does. Gonna run a few errands today after lunch. Then I'm gonna come home and pack for the boot camp. It feels a whole lot better to be in the right frame of mind and to be in the right standing with God.
I realised I haven't blogged about the megapraise on saturday. It felt good to worship God again. But I must say that God was in our midst, despite the mad antics and 'zhao sias' now and then. My opinion was that the leaders could have been more spontaneous and outgoing in their worship. It was good all the same. God's presence was really strong. So strong that I was bent over in one of the songs. More, more, more of the same please...
Dear Lord, I'm looking forward to the boot camp tomorrow. God, help me to focus on the right things. Help me walk straight as I give myself to you. Use me mightily... Grant me favour with the people there, Lord.
Thank you that I have all I need to do your work and to serve you. Thank you for the strength, the joy, the patience and the obedience to be effective in this area. May all glory be given to you. Amen
The pointless-ness of life is again quashed by things done for others.
I woke up this morning relatively miserable so i decided to leave the house. Didn't want to be cooped up today. So I went for meepok with Matt and Ziig. Took an MRT down to serangoon cos I needed to hand in the photocopy of my passport. Didn't want Sylvia to bust an artery cos she was hounding me so much.
Tried to call Nurul and meet up with her to get my bible back but she's not answering or replying my smses. I was so near Sengkang MRT at that time. Sigh... Anyway, made my way to Plaza Singapura after that. Looked around in Trumpet Praise and Yamaha Music, my two favourite shops in Plaza Singapura... Treated myself to a high quality drumstick bag... Cheered me up somewhat. :p
Wanted to meet up with Lynette today. I dunno why I wanted to but I'm glad I did. Went down to city hall when she was still having bible study with Elissa. After that I acoompanied Lynette to KK Hospital to visit her ex-colleague and her 4 year old son. He was down with high fever and a bad cough. My heart went out to the poor boy. When I had the chance, I went beside the boy, laid my hand on his head and prayed for him. And when I was doing that, I started tearing because my heart went out to him. It was as if I could feel his unspoken pain. I've learnt something else about myself today.
Another clear example of the power of words.
You build people up with what you say. Especially when they are young. Take responsibility.
::: Quote of the Day :::
no one to attract now lah.
